Just like that.

And how did I just get myself into this situation? Sitting at a pool avoiding eye contact with a certain boy..

I have never been a one night stand kind of person.. The whole concept seemed so empty and void of human emotion that clearly the whole idea completely repulsed me.

And now I find myself in Greece, doing the exact things that I thought I would never do.

Do I regret my decisions? Yes and no.. Being ignored the next day I think is what hurts most of all. How far would a ‘hey’ go.. For one, it would make me feel a hell of a lot less worthless and not feel like just ‘another’ - which is clearly what I was..

Maybe this is just one of those life lessons that needed to be learnt. It’s not a fun one. But maybe if we look at the positives here.. I now know what I don’t want.

Thanks Greece.. It’s been real.

Feeling grateful for everything.. As a change from my usual state of constant complaining and sheer self pity. 

Life is pretty awesome.

Feeling grateful for everything.. As a change from my usual state of constant complaining and sheer self pity.

Life is pretty awesome.

In case you were wondering.. I’m in Greece

In case you were wondering.. I’m in Greece

Tomorrow

I’m off to Europe tomorrow. Finally - I can’t believe that after booking this holiday so long ago it has finally crept up on me. I’m excited / nervous / anxious and intrigued to see what amazing things will be coming my way. Europe always provides a background for life-changing moments and I hope this time is no different. 

i hope you’re ready Europe. Because this time I’m not holding back. 

Table for 1

There are some days where my singleness slaps me in the face. It’s not until my parents go on holiday that I realise most of my spare time is spent with them.

With my brother busy tonight.. (Again someone who I spend an absurd amount of time with) I find myself alone at a Japanese restaurant ordering food for one.

I tried calling a few friends.. As I had dinner alone the last 2 nights and was really beginning to crave some company. No one lives close to me and the ones that work in the city were busy.

If I had a significant other, they would be sitting here with me right now. Someone would ask how my day was and I would feel safe and secure and loved.

Instead I’m hoping to get the same sense of satisfaction from a bowl of noodles..

Killing it

Went to an engagement party last night. I got epically ignored by everyone I went to high school with and the only guy that spoke to me was the groom’s father (we had a surprising amount in common)

Clearly I’m just killing the social scene at the moment

small talk

Since when did the question, ‘So, do you have a partner?’ become the small talk that comes before ‘So, what do you do?’ - while getting a bikini wax.. 

awkward.. 

New Beginnings

After living in the city for almost a year, I have finally decided that it’s time to join a tennis club near home rather than driving an hour in peak hour traffic to make it back to my childhood club.

Tonight is my first taste of inner city tennis - and I’m terrified. It’s not the tennis part that’s freaking me out, it’s the people part. I have to meet all new people and be able to function in a complete normal social situation where I know no one. 

I’m scared. But I know that it will be good for me. 

Tennis I’m good at. People.. not so much 

Home Bodies

As fun as my friends are I can’t help but feel annoyed when we organise a night ‘out’ - get all dressed up, pick somewhere to go and then everyone (but me) agrees to just stay in and play Cards of Humanity all night. 

I’m glad they have all such settled relationships, but the whole point of going out for me is meeting new people and living my youth. 

 

The stuff of nightmares

Just went bikini shopping in preparation for my European adventure in a couple of weeks

$180 spent on some tiny pieces of material that make me feel terrible about myself. Awesome

In case you ever wondered what I actually look like.

Chances are though I will delete the photo in a couple of hours due to the crumpling anxiety I have of sharing my face on any kind of media outlet

In case you ever wondered what I actually look like.

Chances are though I will delete the photo in a couple of hours due to the crumpling anxiety I have of sharing my face on any kind of media outlet

So this was my morning. How was yours?

So this was my morning. How was yours?

FACT: My thighs are never NOT going to touch 

I see my future in Mindy.. sans the successful career unfortunately. 

I see my future in Mindy.. sans the successful career unfortunately. 

Couldn’t do it.

So I spoke to my brother. I had initially attempted the subtle approach, until I realised that some boys and in particular my brother, don’t respond so well to subtly. I told him outright - and demanded a yes or no answer. 

He kept looking at me dumbfounded, and laughing and saying ‘I don’t know’ over and over again. I told him that he could think about it and get back to me… but he did need to get back to me. 

When I hounded him days later about whether he had thought about it, he said ‘not really’. (Could he be more of a boy..?) I then asked if that was because it was maybe thing… and then he ‘No’.. 

I asked, “No, as is yes or no is ‘no’” - He told me ‘No’. 

I asked why… and he responded with .. “Don’t know” (How articulate)

I met up with my friend for dinner tonight - I was nervous, I didn’t know what to say. 

So I completely chickened out, and didn’t say anything. I felt her living in blissful hopefulness and ‘maybe’ was better than a NO - it’s never going to happen. 

I feel terrible. Like the worst friend in the world.. although there is no blame on me.

*sigh*